Sunday, July 5, 2009

My Ongoing Attempts To Win Things

I'm sure you are all aware of the Twitter phenomenon which I have dubbed "Moonfruit Mayhem." Yes, I realize it is an incredibly catchy name, but I must sadly insist you cannot use it as I hold the sole copyright. For those of you who do not know, it is a quasi-contest that picks 10 people to win new Macbook Pros from a pool of all of the Twitter users who put "#moonfruit" in a tweet. You can enter as often as you like each day. The contest has currently announced it's fifth winner. I'd personally love to win, but not at the expense of losing all of my Twitter followers as I surely would if I put out thousands of tweets an hour as some have chosen to. In order to come up with the perfect timing strategy to maximize my chances, I have enlisted the aid of my old ally: the maths. Below are some pictures of the various equipment I'm using to fabricate my hopefully Mac winning algorithm, as well as a page of notes that I judged would not give too much of my work away. I wish all of the people who enter the very best of luck. I can assure you that, as much as I'd like to win, I will not be angry when I don't.
-That is all.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

My Question For Jonathan Coulton

The good people at recently posted a contest where readers can comment on the article here and enter for a chance to win Jonathan Coulton's new DVD "Best. Concert. Ever." Mr. Coulton will read the comments and mentioned that he would like them to be witty. I spent more time than was necessary on my comment, and I feel that it deserves to be preserved forever in a place where I can admire it. The full text of my comment is copied below.
begin quoted text

Mr. Coulton, your musical prowess is most impressive, but that is obvious. My question is: would you agree to be frozen so that, in the event of a nuclear armageddon, you could be revived to carry music onto future generations of humanity? If so, would you require that your family also be frozen to keep you company in the future? If the person that was offering to freeze you was me, and I told you that it was a one day offer, could you be at my secret lab this afternoon?

end quoted text

My cryogenic freezer and I await your response Mr. Coulton.

-That is all

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Some Predictions

It is once again time for some predictions. These predictions require that I summon every ounce of my mental power and sometimes take weeks of meditation to interpret. I will just say now that my methods are my own and are related to mathematics. I do not use the "I Ching", or another magical tome. Methods like those have been shown to be at least vaguely reliable, and I don't want to inadvertently say something that will turn out to be true. Now that we have that unpleasantness out of the way, I can give you my predictions.
1.) Larry King will die before 2009 is over.
2.) Larry King will be resurrected as either a clone, zombie, or artificial imitation, such as a hologram, produced by an elaborate system of pulleys and mirrors.
3.) All hard boiled eggs in the future will look like those in the picture below.
That's right, all oddly shaped with those weird pockets of stinky egg juice that prevent them from being appetizing.
4.) FAMOUS PEOPLE WILL DIE! I'm sorry to have to use all capital letters like that, but this is apparently something that the human race as a whole is not generally prepared to deal with. If we're planning on continuing this whole dominant-species-on-planet-Earth-thing for a while, I suggest we begin preparing now. The only thing that will do is a regular celebrity-death drill. I'm sorry, I'm getting terrible news: Willem Dafoe is dead at the age of 50. What's that? Oh, he's not dead, and he's actually 53. He looks good for his age.
-That is all.