Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Some Predictions

It is once again time for some predictions. These predictions require that I summon every ounce of my mental power and sometimes take weeks of meditation to interpret. I will just say now that my methods are my own and are related to mathematics. I do not use the "I Ching", or another magical tome. Methods like those have been shown to be at least vaguely reliable, and I don't want to inadvertently say something that will turn out to be true. Now that we have that unpleasantness out of the way, I can give you my predictions.
1.) Larry King will die before 2009 is over.
2.) Larry King will be resurrected as either a clone, zombie, or artificial imitation, such as a hologram, produced by an elaborate system of pulleys and mirrors.
3.) All hard boiled eggs in the future will look like those in the picture below.
That's right, all oddly shaped with those weird pockets of stinky egg juice that prevent them from being appetizing.
4.) FAMOUS PEOPLE WILL DIE! I'm sorry to have to use all capital letters like that, but this is apparently something that the human race as a whole is not generally prepared to deal with. If we're planning on continuing this whole dominant-species-on-planet-Earth-thing for a while, I suggest we begin preparing now. The only thing that will do is a regular celebrity-death drill. I'm sorry, I'm getting terrible news: Willem Dafoe is dead at the age of 50. What's that? Oh, he's not dead, and he's actually 53. He looks good for his age.
-That is all.

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